How To Build A Caitlin Moran by Julie Burchill

caitl

1 Take a girl from somewhere out in the sticks say Bristol or Wolverhampton

2 Get her listen to third rate ‘rawk n’ rawl’ type music in her teens

3 Think up some mythical way to transport her to that there London where her love and passion for third rate rawk n’ rawl type music will like scare the Oxbridge guys with their tiny dicks and quiffy swedes

4 Get her a job with a toppermost rawk n’ rawl type music magazine and then a presenting show on a rawk n rawl music type programme and then a column in a fancy paper about being a girl n’ shit and er being dead into rawl n’ rawk type music

5 Get her to write a book about how being a girl n’ shit and loving rawk and rawk n rawl n rawl type music is like a blast

6 Get her a job with the Dept Of Spin’s trade mission to China with Prince Harry and Beverly Knight

7 Dame her for ‘services to summat or other’

Next week ‘How To Build A Miranda Sawyer’ by Dawn Porter

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